THE LIVING YEARS
by janetchapman
Summary: This is Ray's story after his father unexpectedly dies. Ray goes home and revisits his childhood. This is a little different to my other Pro's stories The tittle reflects what i am trying to get across. From a song by Mike And The Mechanics ( I wish I could have told you in the living world) Warning a couple of expletives in this one).


THE LIVING YEARS

Sunlight was forcing it's way through the thick drawn curtains of Ray's bedroom window. Ray was stirring, beginning to wake from an alcohol induced slumber. A pressing need to pee brought him fully awake. He turned his head gingerly, opened one eye and looked at the clock that sat upon the bedside table, 6.30am. Ray groaned as the movement caused pain to shoot through his scull. It was warm and cosy, and he was reluctant to get out of bed, but as the need to use the toilet became more urgen,t he dragged himself from the bed and stumbled towards the bathroom.

Relived of the pressure on his bladder, he became more aware of the pain in his head .It felt as if an army of tiny men with icepicks were hammering his brain. Black coffee and aspirin were his first coherent thoughts. Sloping off in direction of the kitchen he reached the sink, filled the kettle and lit the gas. Taking a bottle of pills from the cupboard above, he opened the cap and shook two out, filling a glass with water, he popped the pills into his mouth and drank. Ugh, he hated taking tablets of any kind, but this morning the headache warranted it. Cowley wanted them in early, and without his head would be pounding until dinnertime.

Coffee made, he carried the cup back to the bedroom. Bodie would be here in half an hour to pick him up. He thought of how Bodie was feeling. It had been some night!. Dinner in a small Italian restaurant with two girls that Bodie knew, both air hostesses. The night had been fun, plenty of laughs, great food and the red wine had flowed. Then on to a club and more drinks. He had rolled in in the early hours around two o'clock he recalled, after dropping off Jo first in the cab, as she had a early flight this morning that he did not envy.

Ray showered quickly and dressed, he was just putting on his shoes when the phone rang.

"Hello "Ray spoke into the receiver, silence greeted him.

"Hello" more impatiently now,

"Bodie is that...?"

"No Ray its me,"

Recognising the voice of his sister Jean, alarm bells started to ring,

"Jeanie is that you,?"

"Yeah sorry did I wake you,?"

"No I was up,"

"What is it? Is something wrong? The kids",...

"No no the kids are ok ...look Ray it's... ..dad,"

Worried now Ray asked,

"What's wrong Jeanie,?"

"Oh Ray... I'm so sorry "she garbled, "dad died this morning."

Hearing the catch in her voice Ray sat down heavily on the edge of the bed. Shocked, it was the last thing he expected to hear,

"Ray... RAY...?"

"Yeah I'm here," "how?"... .."when?" he asked, finding it hard to believe, but knowing this was no joke.

"It was his heart Ray, it just gave out, " "It happened about three this morning," "Look can you come Mum needs you,?"

"Course" Ray answered automatically,

"I'll need to talk to my boss first, but I'll be there as soon as I can ok,?"

"Thanks Ray,"

"See you later," she said sadly" bye."

Ray put the phone back on it's hook and stared at it.

" Oh my God ….dad... dead but he'd been fine last time he saw him. I didn't even know he had a heart problem did they?"

Ray thought back to the last time that he had seen his father. It had been in late June, he'd had some leave, and gone up to the Midlands for a couple of days. It was now nearing the end of September. The time before had been over the Christmas holidays.

The sound of a car horn blaring brought Ray out of his sad musings.

"Bloody Hell,... Bodie" he'd forgotten he was picking him up. Ray grabbed a jacket and headed out of the flat.

"Morning Sunshine" said a bright eyed and bushy tailed Bodie from the driving seat. Funny how he never seemed to suffer the after effects of a heavy drinking session.

Ray got in slumped down in the passenger seat.

"Oh dear, someone got a hangover then?" Bodie laughed.

Ray turned to look at him, his face stiff with grief.

" All right mate just joking" said Bodie, mistaking the look for bad humour.

"Me dad just died this morning" replied Ray brokenly,

His eyes suddenly filled with tears. It was just starting to sink in, he quickly brushed them away with the back of his hand.

"Aw I'm sorry Ray" Bodie was shocked, not knowing what to say he put his hand sympathetically on Rays shoulder.

"What do you want to do?"

"Go in, see Cowley, take a couple of day's off"

Bodie felt for Ray, he knew he didn't see his parents often but thought them fairly close, even though they didn't live in each others pockets.

Fifteen minutes later the Capri pulled in to the car park of CI5 head quarters. Ray got out and headed straight to George Cowleys office. Bodie followed a few paces behind and went to the rest room. He wanted to give Ray some privacy.

He made two cups of tea, put three sugars in Ray's, it was supposed to be good for shock!

Five minutes later Ray came out of Cowleys office. Bodie stepped out of the rest room as Ray came striding down the corridor.

"Ok mate "Bodie said holding out the mug of tea.

Ray shook his head in dismissal of the tea,

"Got a couple of days off, so I'm going up there, see you mate"

"Yeah see ya" Bodie replied at a loss. He wanted to say something comforting, but this wasn't his forte so he kept quiet. He didn't want to embarrass either of them with cliche'd platitudes.

Ray took his Escort from the car park. He had left it there last night, Bodie had dropped him home, as they had been going out for the night. He drove back to the flat, hastily packed an overnight bag and hit the road.

Now he was on the motorway he drove on autopilot letting his mind drift. Thinking of the past, of growing up, his mum dad and sister, she the younger by four years. They had been mostly happy times. Oh they didn't have much, not material things anyway, but he knew he was loved. They had lived on a council estate, three bedrooms, and a long back garden. His dad had a veggie patch which supplemented the family's food budget.

Thinking of that he remembered the last time he was there. He had arrived mid afternoon,mum was in the kitchen baking. She felt Ray needed fattening up, and always baked for an army every time he came.

"Nothing on you"she would say " don't you eat in London?"

"Don't fuss mum I'm fine "Ray said with a smile, kissing her floury cheek, knowing she would pack him off when he went, with quiche and cakes to last weeks.

"You're dad's in the garden" she told him "go and say hello "

It was a bright sunny day as he stepped out. His father had been digging, in his shirt sleeves, braces hanging down by his sides, now he bent planting out summer lettuce and radish.

"Hi dad " Ray called coming down the path.

"Hello son how's life in the big city"

"Good "Ray replied "busy"

"Rat race" his father commented sourly.

They had visited once but he had found the whole thing not to his liking, people dashing around like ants, the traffic, noise and pollution. No not for Sam Doyle thank you very much.

Remembering that, one of their last conversations Ray felt a lump rise to his throat, tears welled up and spilled down his face. Looking through his blurred vision he saw a sign for the services, took the slip road and pulled into the car park. He cried then, for all the things he hadn't told his dad, all the missed opportunities. When was the last time he had said he loved him? He couldn't remember.

Gradually pulling himself together he wiped his face on the sleeve of his jacket. He decided to have a break, get a coffee and some food. Food and drink bought, he sat at a table in the least crowded area of the cafeteria. He didn't feel like conversation. He ate half of the soggy salad sandwich, drank his coffee then went back to the car. Occurring to him that he ought to check the fuel gauge, he noticed it was only a quarter of a tank full. He started the car and drove round to the petrol station, where he filled up before continuing on his journey. He arrived at he house three hours later.

God he was dreading this.

The front room curtains had been drawn as a mark of respect. His mother was sat in the front room. She looked small and defeated, her eyes red from crying. Jean sat beside her holding her hand. His aunty Flo was there too, making tea in the kitchen with his cousin Susan. It seemed strange to see mum sitting in the lounge in the day, normally she would have been cleaning or shopping She was a house proud woman.

As Ray stepped into the room she let out a cry and flung herself into his arms bursting into fresh tears.

"Oh Raymond he's gone he's gone what am I going to do?"

"It'll be ok mum"he said ineffectively. Hugging her, feeling close to tears again. Jeanie got up from the sofa and joined in the hug.

All day family and friends dropped in to pay there respects, some Ray hadn't seen for years.

As he turned in that night to his old room he was mentally and physically exhausted. Mum

had gone up an hour earlier but he and Jeanie had sat up talking about funeral arrangements. Wanting to spare their mum as much as possible.

Jean had gone home earlier to collect the kids from school. Micheal was ten and Sally seven. She had cooked the kids tea, and waited for her husband Graham to come home from work, before going back. He was an assistant manager of one of the banks in the town centre. Jean had worked there too as a clerk. They had met married, and she had left when they had kids. They lived in nice new detached house about ten minutes from her parents house. Secretly Ray thought he was a bit of a dick, stuffy and middle class. But Jeanie seemed happy. So he kept his opinions to himself.

Waking the next morning. for a moment wondering where he was before it all came flooding back. Ray remembered the times he had lain in the same bed, model planes hanging from the ceiling, Boy's Own annuals on the little bookshelves, toy soldiers lined up on window sill ready for battle. Marbles and comics all reminiscent of birthdays or Christmases past. Then later the posters of the Beatles and the Who. The Hi Fidelity record player that he had saved up for a year, doing a paper round and odd jobs. All gone now probably in the loft.

He remembered those the later years now, not without a little regret. For he had been a bit of a tearaway in his youth. Nicking sweets or comics from the local shops. Hanging out with a gang. Smashing windows and fighting. The rows with his father, and at the age of fifteen what had made him turn his young life around. The death of one of his friends. He had been grounded that night, for the night before he had asked his mum for money to go to the local picture house. She had refused saying she didn't have it to spare. Ray had kicked off and called his mother a choice name. He'd ran out in a temper, and when he'd eventually gone home his father had been waiting.

He had been flaming and belted Ray around the ear a sure sign he was mad as hell. He was not a man given to hitting his kids, but Ray was getting out of hand. And something had to be done. He'd shouted at him" do you want end up in prison cause that's the way you're heading" "Now get up those stairs and don't you dare think you're going out tomorrow night."

Ray stomped up every step.

The next night Ray had apologised to his mum and stayed in.

The next day he went to school as usual. There were rumours flying around that Kevin Marshall and Tommy Sellers had been involved in a serious accident. The story was that that they had stolen a car and turned it over.

In assembly that morning the Head had announced that Kevin who had been sat in the passenger seat, had died at the scene. It was all anyone could talk about all day.

It had scared the shit out of Ray cause he knew if he had been out that night, he would have been in that seat .Tommy Sellers was one of his best friends and Ray would have insisted on it.

From then on Ray had started to see things a bit clearer. He stopped hanging about with the gang. Made a couple of different friends and got his head down at school. His grades improved and he left with decent qualifications.

He got a job at the car factory where his dad worked, but soon realised it wasn't for him. He wanted excitement, respect, he wanted to make a difference. And that is when he joined the police force.

Now here he was top of the tree CI5's finest.

He got up washed and dressed. He heard his mum moving around in her room next door, then went down stairs to the kitchen to make tea. His mother appeared in a pink candlewick robe looking like she'd hardly slept a wink.

" Hello love" she smiled wanly,

"Here I'll do that" she said taking the teapot from him,

"It's ok I can make tea you know ma" replied Ray trying to lighten the atmosphere,

"I know love but It helps me to keep busy,"

"Mum did dad ever talk about me?" he asked hesitantly sitting down at the kitchen table.

"What do you mean love?"

"Well...Was he proud of me ?"

"what sort of a question is that?"

"He just never said you know"

"OH love...course he was... the proudest man in the town your dad."

"You know whenever we went down the club, your dad would boast to anyone who would listen. My boy Ray. he would say, made something of himself he has .A good boy A GOOD MAN."

"Really?"

"Yes really" she sniffed and blew her nose,

"So don't you go thinking any different, he loved you both. You and Jean,"

"I wish he was here now so I could tell him too" Ray said sadly,

"I think he knew already love"

"Anyway I'm going to get dressed there's things to sort"

"When do you have to go back?" she asked

"Later today"

"Will you be ok I could ask for more time off "Ray offered

"No love I'll be fine, there's Jean and our Flo, and Margaret's coming over from Ireland so I'll not be

lonely"

"Anyway we'd drive you mad all us women" she smiled.

"Well if you're sure? "Ray said feeling relived.

The day passed quickly. Ray drove Jean and his mum to the hospital ,where they had said their private goodbyes to Sam. Then on to the church were the service would be held.

Later as it was time to start heading back to london and his life there,

Ray held his mum close, his chin resting on the top of her head.

"Goodbye Mum" …".i love you, see you next week"

He couldn't bear to say the word funeral, it sounded so final.

Pulling away she took his face in her hands,

"I love you too son,"

"When you have kids Ray tell em everyday how much they mean, cause if there's one thing in this world that matters it's family".

As Ray walked away he vowed he would.

The end.


End file.
